Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I am ALL Powerful!

Boy, never underestimate the Dog Power! I have single-handedly turned my parents lives UPSIDE DOWN!

It all began with a phone call to Mom at work by my dreaded nemisis Rex.
"Dani, Axel has been barking for 20 minutes. Can you do something?"
Mom felt her heart constrict - and stammered that she would be home soon. She then called Dad who came home from work instead. Mom hates upsetting our neighbor, she is that odd sort of human who hates any kind of discord.
By coincidence, Mom had arranged for a dog trainer lady to come over to help them adjust to my barking "issue".

[For the record, in case you forgot. I am a %$#&ing DOG. Dogs bark. That's what we do. So what is the issue here? I'll never get it.]

Jane the trainer lady arrived just as I was having a barking frenzy out the window. I thought I'd show off a bit...She had the temerity to suggest that the reason I bark out the window is because I get instant gratification. I see someone, I bark, I chase them away. I win!!
Boy - how did she know that???

So she talked and talked to Mom and Dad as their eyes started to glaze over with the knowledge of all the work that lay ahead. And then she started to click at me and throw me treats! I liked that part! All that clicking would have made a Xhosa South African proud (for the ignorant - for Xhosa people clicking is part of their language).

After Jane left, the strangest thing happened. Dad started moving my furniture around. The couch was dragged away from my window, and the TV went there instead. My world turned upside down. I didn't know what to make of it. I'm still confused. How will I bark out the window if I can't GET TO THE WINDOW?? HELP!
And all night, Mom and Dad walked about clicking at me...I think they've finally lost their marbles. So here is a picture of my new universe...Gracie came over to check it out for herself... but she was more interested in stealing my bone!

Just as I was trying to acclimate to my new surroundings, Dad dropped me off at Doggy Day Care this morning to give my nemesis some peace until they adapt to my new training regimen. Boy I had a hectic day. I came home and just collapsed. Mom and Dad looked very happy...

When I came home, I heard some sad news. Remember I told you about that Pitbull pup we found abandoned in the park? Well, after Gracie's Mom fostered him for 3 weeks, no home could be found for him, so he was despatched kindly to the rainbow bridge where he will finally find his safe forever home. He didn't like me and tried to bite me a few times, but even I, Axel G Chocholoza know that it wasn't his fault. He was horribly abused and defensive, so I didn't hold it against him...may his little tortured soul rest in peace, and I think Gracie's Mom was very special indeed for caring for him all this time.

Finally - Guess what? I got a gift in the mail from my Canadian buddy Dean-O - winner of the Petster dog of the month if you recall! He sent me this ultra-cool black leather jacket - I am now part of the wiry motorcycle gang, I look so butch, the bitches are going to go wild! I may just make a video of it - Bitches Gone Wild!

I may just wear my coat to the All Terrier Show on October - I'd like to show those prissy show dogs what a REAL manly wire looks like. We don't go parading around in a ring, and get chalked and blowdryed 5 times a day. We are naturally sexy and handsome.