Tuesday, July 25, 2006

No respite in sight...

Friends, I am falling apart. First the terrible itchies and now I've been invaded by the big green blob! Yesterday my eye was full of green yucky stuff and this morning, I woke up with more of it and my eye was all crusty. Mom very gently wiped the crusties and took away the green stuff with warm water and cotton wool. But my eye is itchy, my body is itchy and I'm going beserk. The only thing that takes my mind off my troubles are the following:

1. Dingo chews
2. Marrow bones
3. Milk bones or riblet treats
4. My best friend Gracie, the Anatolian Shephard
5. Being around my other canine pals

The problem is I'm home most of the day alone without distractions - I mean Mom and Dad leave me items 1-3, but I only like to eat those sitting on Mom's lap or when they are home with me. So I'm left to deal with the itchies and I can't even bark just for some release, because of Rex the horrid neighbor who coerced Mom and Dad into using a bark collar. They used to slack off and forget about it but Rex wrote to the city to complain, and since then the parents are fanatical about keeping me from barking lest I upset the dear sensitive Rex. I'm a dog god damn it, why can't I bark?

Anyway, I need to stop bitching, it's not becoming of a virile (albeit temporarily unattractive) wiry male. Let's rather talk about bitches rather than bitching! I got an email from a wiry bitch named Ciara - she lives with her family and canine bro Simon in the Mojave desert in southern Nevada. She is almost 2 and boy is she sweet! When I saw the pic she sent I laughed out loud because I just love her expression. I amused myself thinking of what she could be thinking in this pic:

-- I am the beautiful Ciara - don't mess with me Dog!
-- Where is my chicken wing damn it? (Her Dad told me she loves chicken wings above all else)
-- I have you all figured out, don't you doubt it...

She is very talented is Miss Ciara. Her dad Tom says, "She spends her days diving in dad’s spa where she dives for her toys. She can get down about 2 feet max so far, but I’ll not be surprised if she goes deeper. The bottom is just over 3 feet and she can see the toys at that depth." I dive in my doggie pool too Ciara, but when the water comes up to my ankles, I can't say it's very difficult to retrieve my toys! Heh heh.

Shout out to my friend in Troy, NY - Pippin - the poor thing is suffering from the stinkies...or should I say her family is suffering from having to deal with her smelly farts. I am very refined, I don't fart, at least not if I can help it. Pip, I hope the vet puts you right tomorrow - it can't be fun having runny poops and stinkies. I just hope the vet doesn't prescribe a gas mask. Mine prescribed a lampshade - so a gas mask is not that far fetched. These vets can be very creative!

I leave you with this image my friends sent in by Pam -- I believe it gives a whole new meaning to Fox TV: