Tuesday, February 07, 2006

A Gift from My Love

Boy are my blog fans in luck today! A double blog edition! And for this post, you can thank my dear Miss Amelia!

When Mom got home from work, there was a knock at the door. I was already on my perch monitoring the goings on outside (see below) - when I spied the Fedex man. I like the Fedex man, as opposed to the mailman - 'cos he often brings me gifts!

When Mom came in and I saw the box, I could smell my Miss Amelia and I knew instinctively that it was from her! Quick as a flash, I did a jig.
Then I followed Mom to the kitchen to get the cutting knife and back to the couch for the official gift opening! As soon as the box was open, I stuck my snout inside to see what she'd sent!

Inside was this awesome green and purple plush tug-o-war toy that makes a noise when you shake it! I love it! (How I wish Miss Amelia was on the other end to play with me. *sigh*)

Which is more than I can say for the box of Frontline...I can't eat or chew it...I guess Miss Amelia wants her lover to be germ free and healthy? For goodness sakes Miss Amelia, don't you remember that it's me? I eat condoms for good measure! Well, the Frontline was a tad boring...although Mom and Dad were very impressed. What impressed me was the big bag of treats! I jumped about until Mom opened the bag and let me sample a few. They were delish!

Thank you my darling Miss Amelia. I will accept this as an early Valentine gift.
You will be my Valentine, won't you? (Please don't tell Luci, Gracie, Daisy or the other bitches...)


Post Game Blog

I know you are all thinking I'm a lazy ol' bugger for not blogging after the SuperBowl, but I'll have you know, that last night while Mom was soaking in the tub (her only refuge from yours truly), I snuck into the computer room and wrote a long and rather hilarious blog post. How was I to know that Blogger was doing maintenance work...I clicked publish and wham! Lost it all. I felt like tearing my hair out in the agony of it - but I do not self strip, I leave that to Mom. So here I go, trying to re-concoct a fine piece of writing...

I for one am mighty relieved that the Super Bowl is over. That Battle of the Bitches, frankly, made me rather uptight. I like bitches fighting over ME, not oversized humans in shoulderpads and sleek leggings. And to be honest, I sort of slipped into a coma three minutes into the game...

I awoke with a heck of a start to see that old git Mick Jagger wiggling his osteoporotic hips on stage in the half time show. It's one thing creating a fuss over seeing Janet Jackson's right boobie on stage, I think it is far more irresponsible of the networks to allow a group of elderly, decrepit has-beens into our living rooms. I tell you I nearly had a stroke when I saw Jagger's scary looking visage. The Rolling Stones should be hidden away in some elder facility crocheting antimacassars, not prancing about on stage where they might just break a hip!

Anyway, after my initial shock, I managed to slip back into my sleep until I was awakened by a very far off shriek of joy emanating from Daisy and Coco. It was then that I knew the Steelers had won. My immediate concern was for poor Miss Amelia. I worried that the defeat of her beloved Sea Hawks might be too much for her frail heart, I couldn't bear the though of her on Zoloft for the rest of her life, battling the slings of hideous depression.

As proof of our spiritual bond, our house phone rang at the ungodly hour of 11:30 PM (someone forgot there was a time difference between coasts!). And would you know, it was Amelia's Daddy calling to allay my fears. The brave Amelia was taking the loss in her stride and had not clawed out anyones eyes (yet). The relief was tremendous! Poor Mom could hardly hear a word that Amelia's Daddy said because I had chewed the phone antenna. Eek.

Speaking of phones, on Sunday Mom and Dad came home with 2 brand new cellphones for me! They were in bright red boxes bearing the name Verizon. And they were in enticing chewy leather cases. For some reason that I cannot fathom, they keep placing them on the top of the bookshelf where clearly they realize I cannot get to them. All very confusing.