Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Wrestling in Poop with Ethel

My very first Valentines day is over. It wasn't really all it was cracked up to be, for me anyway. It's one thing to have a harem of Valentines bitches, it's quite another to never see them in person. I spent my day pining for Miss Amelia, Snickers, Luci and the other gals. I had to make do with pictures and sweet Valentine emails.

Miss Amelia sent me these beautiful pictures of herself in a mauve jumper in the snow:

Snickers sent me this sweet Valentine:

And Luci sent me this one. Pictured with her is her new brother Raisin. I have to lift my paw in salute to dear Luci - Raisin's Mommy is deathly ill, and Luci has been very sweet and welcoming:

Last night I got to watch the Westminster Dog Show all on my lonesome while Mom and Dad celebrated Valentines Day together upstairs with the door closed! I can't understand why I wasn't invited! Anyway, would you believe that Rufus (pictured below left), the funny-looking (just my opinion) bull terrier won Best in Show? He sure looks happy! And Carter (below right), took best of breed for the Wires. What a cute piece of wiry ass (not sure I like my women bearded though)! Man I wish my tail stuck out straight like that.

This afternoon Mom got home before Dad, so she braved the snow and melting mess to take me out. We went to the park where I met a new dog, a bitch called Ethel (what an awful name to saddle a dog with! Makes me picture a geriatric with a bun). Mom made the wee mistake of letting me off leash before she realized that Ethel was quite the runner. She ran and I took off after her until neither Ethel's Mom or my Mom could see us. Mom got a bit panicy. I could hear her call my name, but Ethel was taking me to places previously undiscovered! And Mom should know I always come back. Eventually. Ethel loves to wrestle and she kept pinning me down - one time right on a pile of runny poop. It got all over me and whereever we wrestled, I left poopy tracks. By now Mom was getting pissed 'cos I stank and I refused to come when she called. It was growing dark and she envisaged having to call Dad to help catch me. Anyway, she got me after a while while Ethel had me on my back, and then I got dragged home. And straight upstairs to the bathroom.

UH OH. I suspected an evil plot to put me in the tub. Mom let in some water and took off her sweater. She meant business. At that point, I ran around the bathroom, miraculously eluding her grasp for some time, until she tricked me and grabbed my collar and flung me in the tub. I love water but I don't like bathing. I tried numerous times to escape, soaking Mom in the process. How she managed to wash most of me - I don't know. It usually takes Dad's help, but he wasn't home. Eventually I got the better of Mom and jumped out the bath just as Dad came in. He was pretty impressed that Mom had bathed me by herself. And while he was congratulating her, I ran out, and raced around the house in a wet tizzy, finally settling on the bed to enjoy my warm blow-drying.

I think I forgot to tell you all that I am back to sleeping in my crate! Not my choice I assure you. I go in most unwillingly! Once I'm in there it's like being in a submarine - all sound is blocked out. That is the whole idea said Mom and Dad - it stops me from barking! Bloody hell! These humans do have a brain afterall.

I hear Simon Cowell insulting someone - I gotta go watch my dose of American Idol. I think I can sing better than half the contestants, and I'm certainly more handsome than Simon!